I am weak but HE is STRONG.

2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."

As previously mentioned I have been going through some difficult things lately and have just been having a hard time in general. Things have gotten better, but it's hard to not feel like yourself for such a lengthy period of time. I have had glimpses of feeling normal, but I am just not there yet. A good friend of mine gave me a book called "Praying Through the Tough Times" and although some of it is more aimed at those who have had a death near to them, there is still some really good stuff that I am getting out of it. The top verse was the one to the short devotion that I read today. I feel like I have accepted some things that have happened, but I am just having a hard time knowing HOW things are going to get better from here. I realized in reading this that sometimes we need to stop with all the "how's" and just simply trust that God will guide us and it WILL get better. God's grace is sufficient for us and we really need not worry "how" because it will be revealed. Instead of all the "how's" I should spend that time in his word and in prayer because that will be far more beneficial than wasted worries.

Through these difficult times I have realized a few things and it has done a few things that may not have otherwise been realized.
-I feel that God was preparing me for what was about to happen with the spiritual growth I experience. If I had not had that, I think things would look completetly different for me right now.
-I have also experienced more maturity through these past few months because I have been broken and forced to trust in his perfect will for me.
-I feel I have more understanding and compassion for more people.
-I feel that this situation is bringing greater understanding and restoring that could not have been opened up unless the situation had happened.

Sorry if that was hard to follow, but I still just can't open up completely. But the gist of it is that I am still having a bit of a hard time, but I am getting better, and I am seeing God work.
I am weak but He is strong.

A long break.....

So I am aware that I have taken quite a long break from my blog, but it certainly was not w/o reason. Besides the normal of being busy with work and family I have been going through some really, really difficult things in my personal life. If this blog were a little more private I would go into detail, but it's not so I can only speak generally about what's going on. About 6 or so weeks ago my whole life was turned upside down and I was absolutely crushed. The last 6 weeks have been spent with a lot of tears, sleepless nights, deep hurt, calling out to God, and thankfully conversations and visits with friends and family. It's one of those times where you have to remind yourself over and over again that God's plan is perfect. We don't get to know why things happen sometimes, but we have to trust that His plan is perfect and he will see us through every situation we encounter. Each day I am not sure what I will feel like when I wake up in the morning or even what I may feel like an hour later. I am thankful that God is still at work in me and has put certain people in my life at just the right time to help me through this storm. Tonight I read Psalm 117:2 "For he loves us with unfailing love; the Lord's faithfulness endures forever." I wish that I could write more right now or say something really great, but I am just at a loss for what to say. If you take the time to read this I would of course appreciate your prayers.

One of THOSE days...

Today was just one of those days....I had my highly anticipated doctors appointments....I know that sounds weird, but they were just highly anticipated because I wanted to get an answer to what was going on. Well, I got some good news, but the bad news was it didn't really solve the issue either... I just now know some things it is not. So of course, they would like me to go to another specialist....after some thought....NOPE!, not gonna do it!  Instead I am going to try an appointment at an eastern medicine doctor and other than that am just going to pray and ask for prayer.....afterall our God is the great healer right? (and to be honest, my problem isn't anything painful, just not normal at all) And other than that it's just been one of those days where I just feel like I had gotten worn down over time with multiple things and I just kinda cracked a little bit today. I know I will be fine and what makes me more upset is that I am upset! hahaha, make sense!? I know that I just have to give things to God and just simply live day to day, but it's hard to do that sometimes. I know what things I need to change in my life, but as we all know change is hard and it takes time. Sometimes I lose sight of what is really important and allow things to upset me that really shouldn't. My main goal right now is just to spend more time reading God's word and praying because I believe that will make things more clear for me. Alright, I am really tired and worn out so I am going to end this one and will make the next one hopefully more upbeat :o) sorry.
May God our Father give you grace and peace.

Things I have loved.....

Things I have loved about Christmas break so far......
1. Learning how to use the trolley system here in Scottsdale....I will admit learning has not been the most seemingly smooth learning curve, but I still like it. :o) (& I think it's really cool that it's free)
2. Spending extra time with my kids and seeing more of their sense of humor and silly antics. --Malaki is on a kick of wanting to pick out his own shoes & socks which he loves to do unmatched ones and I just don't care so I let him go out like that & he is a really great big brother to Jaylee--- Jaylee sings & dances & is just hilarious & also simply the sweetest thing I could ever imagine!)
3. Getting to spend time with one of my sisters and realize how much we still have in common even though from the outside we may seem different.
4. Spending more time with Floyd & beginning out new book together.
5. Purging more things from the house.....I might actually like purging things as much as I like purchasing them....hmmmmm.
6. Eating good food!!! I went out to a few places while Kim was here and then also have made some good food at the house. :o)
7. Having time to just relax....get in some more walks, runs, and watch some T.V.

Things I have not loved over break....
1. I must admit with all this extra time I think I got a little bit lazy.
2. I am having some physical/medical kind of issues.--(pls. pray for that-dr. appt. next Tues.)

I know I have been slacking on this blog majorly! But I promise sometime within the next couple days I will write a real one. :o)
May God our Father give you grace & peace.

Christmas Break begins....

I am very excited that today marks the start of my Christmas break. I didn't finish everything I needed to at school so I will still need to stop back in to do some things, but at least it will be at my leisure and I can take the kids with me too because they love to go to Mommy's work. Tomorrow my sister Kim comes which I am pretty excited for since she is the only family I will see over my Christmas break. I am a little nervous though because I have been having some lower abdominal cramps the last couple of days.....(I don't think I mentioned before, but I didn't have some lady troubles about a month or so back and did find that I have a cyst on my ovary that has to be looked at again the first week of Jan.)...but anyways the cramping hurts fairly bad and I am afraid it may me the cyst will burst or something....I dunno. But if this cyst has any consideration for me it will wait to do what it needs to do after my sister leaves so that I can have fun with her. :o) On a way seperate note I joined this practical saver online sight that helps who you where the best sales are for groceries and what coupons you can use, etc... Well anyways....I typically spend about $120 on all groceries (including pull-ups, cleaning supplies, & toiletries) I really wanted to trim this down, so goal #1 is to get it down to $100 a week & ultimately I would like to get it down to $80 a week. The last two weeks I have gotten to the $100 goal. I do the bulk of my shopping at Frys and always look at the percent I save....typically if I got a 30% I was happy, last week I got a 38% and today I got a 41%!woohoo! So we will see how things continue, but I think I am getting better and this whole grocery shopping thing. Well I am off to do some more cleaning, but I will try to write more on this blog over break....no promises though :o)
May God our Father give you grace and peace.

Still thankful after Thanksgiving....

I am sure that's still allowed....to be thankful after Thanksgiving...right!? ;o) Well one thing I was particularly thankful for by Mon. evening was to be able to eat!!!! For almost 5 days I was not able to eat much & what I did eat was a very bad idea due to me being very sick. Anyone who knows me knows that I just really love food. Although I didn't even really have an appetite it still bothered me to see other people enjoying food. Even while waiting my turn at the Walgreens clinic last weekend (with major stomach pains) a girl was chomping on some snack mix behind me and I was sooo jealous! So anyways.....I am now so thankful that I can simply eat again! It came at the best time too because students have started bringing in lots of holiday treats for the teachers. :o) Cue the music...."it's the most wonderful time....of the year! :o) It was however pretty funny when the nurse practitioner asked me what kinds of things I had tried to eat recently and I had to be honest that I had tried to eat a donut & then a leftover piece of pizza.....let's just say she shook her head a lot at me and then explained the BRAT diet to me....which helped over the next day and a half while I finished recovering. :o) AND....what a small world...the nurse practitioner's nephew was an RA of mine during the Summer Honors program I went to when I was 17. weird.
Soooo....I have been continuing to read my power of a praying wife & holy cow is there so much stuff I should be praying for all the time! I have been missing a whole bunch of stuff until now! yeesh! I don't know why someone didn't tell me sooner :o) Just kidding, people probably did, I just didn't listen. I am also just finishing Revelations & whoa! Talk about a creepy book right now! Anybody else think so? I think that's about the scariest thing you could read cuz it's REAL!!! But NEways...things are good....I missed church last week due to sickness & am excited to go back next Sunday!
This Sat. is a Christmas party with some of my girl friends. I was supposed to find a red dress for it which didn't happen for multiple reasons....BUT I did at least buy a lacey black skirt to go with a red shirt I already had so I will be somewhat festive. Perhaps I will remember to post a pic next week. I have pretty much my whole outfit picked out, but REALLY wish I had some cute black boots to go with it instead of the black shoes I currently have laying out with it. I am just soooo picky with boots and have searched high and low and CANNOT find black boots that I consider both cute and affordable in my size!blah! Well it's way late so I gotta go to bed! Hope you enjoyed the randomness that was tonight's post. :o)
May God our Father give you grace and peace.

what to blog about....

So I have been an absent blogger again.....not because I didn't have time, but more so because I didn't know what to write. I've been going through some "life" things that could provide for various discussions on my feelings and new realizations, but it's another one of those situations where I don't feel like I can expose much without also involving other peoples' personal business. What I can say is that I have learned that there are many more things in my life than I realized, that I really have no power over other than the power of prayer. I have always prayed, but to be honest with you I never really thought it did much....I felt of it more as a formality & I felt like God was just gonna do whatever he had preplanned whether I prayed or not. Well through my experiences and my wonderful book I have been reading I no longer feel this way. I am going to make praying a large priority in my life now because I believe so strongly in it. I am also thinking I may still do my prayer walk & a prayer journal because sometimes I feel like I would like to write my words down to pull more out. Another issue that has been swirling around in my head is also something I cannot specifically write because I don't want to expose anyone or hurt anyone's feelings, but I would still appreciate prayer. When I was growing up at our church people would sometimes have "unspoken" prayer requests....so people would know to pray that God's hand would be at work in their lives where they needed it even if they did not know specifically what they were praying for. Soooo....that's what I am saying.....I have an unspoken prayer request.  :o).....
On a seperate note....I had a great Thanksgiving weekend full of relaxation, food, family/friends, & good deals shopping. :o) Also happy to say I have less than 3 weeks until my Christmas break starts! That is all!
May God our Father give you grace and peace.